There are some things that people can’t warn you about in regards to being a dog parent for the first time. You can read any Caesar Milan book (or the first two chapters as Taylor and I did), you can watch countless YouTube videos or read articles all across the internet. But once that puppy comes into your life, it’s a free for all.
We welcomed our first puppy on August 5th, 2021. We named him Ono (no, not after Yoko Ono), he has simultaneously been the biggest blessing and pain in the ass since we got him.
Here are the top 5 things I’ve learned as a first-time dog dad.
1. When they groan or sigh, that doesn’t mean they’re upset
You can imagine the shock when we figured out that groaning doesn’t mean displeasure. To put it into perspective, Ono sighs what feels like 3 to 4 times per minute. I think to myself” What could you possibly be upset about? You don’t have to pay taxes or deal with any adult responsibilities. You have no idea what goes on in the world and yet you have the audacity to groan and sigh?”
Anytime my dog sighs I feel like I disappointed him somehow
— 𝕃 𝕦 𝕜 𝕖 (@_UsernamesRHard) April 3, 2022
Well, it happens to be the case that it means they’re comfortable and relaxed when they groan. Who would’ve thought?
2. Not every dog is AirBud
I’m a big football fan. So you can imagine my excitement when we got a dog. I envisioned the pup and I heading to the park and me launching a NERF football deep down the field and having my trusty companion come down with it, like Tom Brady and Randy Moss.
Ono has yet to catch a pass, of anything! football, tennis ball, dog food, stick. You name it, he can’t catch it. I make sure I put lots of air under the pass to give him ample time to prepare for the catch and it just bounces off his snout.
3. Some dogs are picky eaters until they’re not
Bananas? Too mushy. Strawberries? Nope. Kibble? Hit and miss. This dog must not eat anything right? Wrong! Ono substitutes these foods with a buffet consisting of small rocks, sticks and deer crap. All of which has caused him to vomit or catch a ride to the vet.
And you’d think this would teach him a lesson! WRONG. Unlike humans who typically learn their lesson and avoid that certain alcohol, they drank when they got too drunk and passed out over a garbage can while vomiting at 10pm. Ono is right back at it the next day trying to indulge himself in a dirt and stick casserole. Zero self-awareness.
4. You can give them the world… and they’ll still take your spot
When I mentioned to my counsellor that Taylor and I got a puppy, the first thing he asked was if we let Ono sleep on the bed. He told me the importance that the dog knows he’s a GUEST in the bed. Ono did not get the memo. My nightly routine consists of racing to the bed to get MY spot. He beats me of course because 4 legs > 2 legs, leaving me to attempt to lift our 60lbs dog to the foot of the bed where I can then squeeze in and get to sleep. At which point, he hops off to sleep on the coveted cool floor.
5. He taught me that a dog is really a man’s best friend
Despite being an all-time nuisance, he truly is my best friend. I love morning walks with him, taking him to new places with Taylor to explore, giving him treats and bringing him to work. Ono is one of a kind and I wouldn’t change a thing about him.
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